Showing articles filed in 30 Day Challenge

My favourite song isn't exactly that deep or meaningful. It doesn't remind me of anyone. It isn't especially moving. And it doesn't bring up memories of sadness and lost love...

Mainly because my favourite song is 'You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)' by Dead or Alive. I first saw the video for this on 'Countdown' in the eighties and was immediately obsessed with the sound, lyrics, and energy of the track. The video has since been dismissed by DOA frontman Pete Burns as 'cheap' but I was in awe of it's 'glamour'.  From the first blurred shot of the mirrorball through to the pan up as Pete belts out the final refrain I wore out my VHS recording, playing it again and again, the drum machine distorting as I turned up the volume on our mono Rank Arena colour television as high as it would allow.

A couple of months later I went to the city in the school holidays and found the 12" vinyl with extended mixes, which I snapped up with some money kindly given to me by my grandmother.  Mum bought me a dark blue satin kimono and I'd re-enact the video in my bedroom, wearing black track pants and a matching t-shirt with the kimono over the top, complete with Mum-made pirate eyepatch with silver sequins glued to it.  All that was okay but I wasn't allowed the hairstyle so I made do with growing a long fringe and teasing it up as high as it would go with a comb and some hairspray.. thankfully no photos exist and I moved on to using the Thompson Twins for style inspiration before I hit high school.

'Spin Me' was produced in collaboration with famous UK producers Stock/Aitken/Waterman who had previously only had success with drag performer and John Waters muse Divine.  In biographies released by Stock and Waterman it's been mentioned that the band were very argumentative and didn't like the direction the song was taking until an all night mix session resulted in the version we know today.

At the time the most popular club/disco lights were the set of three 'traffic' colours - each colour reacting to a different frequency sound.  When testing mixes of 'Spin Me' in a club the producers realised that the large amount of percussion and cowbell caused these lights to go berserk, in turn creating more crowd excitement.  To make the final mix they brought all of these elements to the fore, creating a non-stop high energy sound that to me just makes the record.

The track has been remixed, covered and re-released too many times to mention and amassed over 500,000 single sales on it's original release.  

Thats a fairly ambiguous question.  I'm pretty sure that it applies to the 30 day challenge and I'm meant to dribble rhetoric about how I've grown and become stronger and some other cliched bollocks but I'm going to be more literal in my approach. So here is what i have learned in the past month. 

- My friend Justin is almost as bad at ham as I am.

- The ultimate, all time champion of Christmas films is 'Die Hard'.

- Being a fucking moron pays off eventually.

- Christmas isn't the same without a brilliant short story to keep you awake at night, courtesy of Justin Cawthorne.

- Samantha Mathis, who plays Ryan Reynold's wife in the film 'Buried' where Reynolds awakes buried in a coffin, previously starred in a film where she too is buried alive, called "83 Hours 'Til Dawn" (via imdb.com)

- If you start a phone conversation with 'Now listen here!' You are 80.  Or a complete cunt.  Or an 80 year old complete cunt.

- I like pretty much everything the Pet Shop Boys have ever released.

- This just might be the greatest actor's website in the history of the world

- January Jones may be a little typecast.

- It's probably not as awkward as it looks. 

- White Russians are GOOD.  .

Ingredients:

Preparation:

No more bloody pictures.  I look exactly the same.  I weigh the same, I'm the same height, I have the same amount of teeth and eyes and everything.  Instead, here's a picture of veteran character actor Brian Dennehy. Enjoy!

Amusingly enough, this was the idea of my pal from Twitter, @nzJayzee. He suggested doing it and I thought it seemed like a good way to get the discipline of blogging on a daily basis underway.  Of course I didn't follow through with the discipline side, and am still plugging along at entry 27 of 30 a good four months later and (no judgement here, folks) JayZee didn't get around to starting.  It seems he had better foresight than I..

But... I've enjoyed doing (some of) this, and am determined to complete it even though I'll be limping up to the finish line, with everyone else having gone home hours before.  I hope there's still a banner or at least a small bit of ribbon for me to break through triumphantly, arms aloft as I yell 'There can only be one!' in a half French, half Scottish accent. (Sorry about that,had my first viewing of 'Highlander' over the weekend and it's clearly left more of an impression than I'd realised).

I think that my friends are incredibly patient, long-suffering, loving, talented amazing people. And I don't know what I'd do without them. I'm a very lucky man. 

Oh. I see. You've gone all 'security guard' on my ass now. Fine. I've got nothing to hide.

In my most awesome bag you would find - 

• - iPad
• - Blood Glucose Monitor
• - Six jellybeans in a small plastic bag.
• - My awesome new red handheld bluetooth handset (a fabulous gift from @Me55iah and @Empre55 it's an old-school style phone handset).
• - 30+ Sunscreen.
• - Diary.
• - About $12.00 in $2 coins.
• - My iiNet Business Cards.
• - Green canvas shopping bag.

See? Nothing too exciting. Move along. 

Hi Mum, Hi Stepdad. Hi, Original Dad.

I wanted to say thanks for putting me here on the planet and for watering, feeding and raising me.  Original Dad, you turned out to be a complete tool but thankfully Mum did a great job in finding a crazy, hilarious Scottish replacement Dad who is my father.  

Mum and Stepdad, I know it's sometimes been challenging and more than a little interesting for you to raise an only child that at times wanted to be Sarah-Jane Smith from Doctor Who, was more than a little bit sensitive, needed to dance daily around the lounge room with the volume turned up to 11, was obsessed with comic books and reading, was hopeless at any sport, terrified of matches yet loved burning page after page of the phone book in our old wood stove, nearly checked out of life the first time he tried a trampoline, had such a need to express love and it brought tears to your eyes and as an adult went on to suffer from depression and anxiety so great that all you could do was wait and watch as your heart ached at being unable to help your only child.

Although I've kept you on your toes from the minute you met me you've always known what to do.  You took my coming out in your stride, you understood how the bullying at school meant I didn't want to pursue higher education and when I wanted to leave to work in a record store, you supported that.  When I wanted to switch to hospitality, no problem. When I decided I might give the DJ thing a try you believed I could do it before I was even sure I could.  And you always let me know how proud you are of me.  A lot of people have put me down in my life but you've always been there to build me up.  

You've always welcomed my partners and friends and given so much unconditional love to all of them that I can't put into words how incredibly proud I am of you.  Thank you for letting me be whoever I wanted to be, for never judging me and for always being there without hesitation.

I love you, Ma & Pa. x

Noodle Box.  And Diet Colas. Totally addicted to the two and would drive over a Nun to get to them.

I've got a pretty unique way of looking at things.  My favourite thing about myself is my brain.  I love the way I think yet it's also the thing that causes me so much pain and sadness.  But I wouldn't have it any other way. It's what makes me, me.

This is a shot of the DJ console I spent 10 years working from at Connections Nightclub - looking at it brings back so many amazing memories (I was even the one that painted it orange) and it also sums up my love affair with music over the past 33 years.  Now that I don't DJ that often (I'm in Cher-style retirement) I do all my mixing on my Mac but even without an audience to play to it's still something that brings me so much happiness.

Easy.  Someone sexy, funny, kind, independent and understanding.  Although they seem like simple traits they can be difficult to find in the one person.

In the past I've had relationships with someone that was...

Sexy, independent, understanding and a hooker. No, really.  And he kept it secret for a year.

Funny, kind, needy and crap in bed.

Sexy, funny, kind, independent, understanding and cheated like it was an olympic event. 

Sexy and a fucking psychotic lying alcoholic wanker.

Sexy, funny, kind, loving, understanding, independent and leaving the country in three months.

So now that I seem to be choosing better perhaps I'll find someone that has the positive attributes I'm looking for and is actually remaining in the country.

Stranger things have happened. 

There's so many witty nicknames that can be derived from the name Sebastian.  Let me post them for you, in a handy bullet-style list. I know. How good am I to you guys? Merry Christmas!

• Seb
• Sebs
• Sebby
• Sebster
• Sebalicious
• Seb-a-stain
• Sebaceous
• Sebmeister

All of these have been bestowed upon me by friends and co-workers.

As a DJ I initially had the moniker of 'DJ Kinky'.  Here's why.

I was sharing a house with a close friend, James.  We had a common wall between our bedrooms.  I had a 'night visitor' that playfully asked me to hit him with his belt.  So I did.  He laughed a little and said 'harder'.  Poor James was huddled under the covers in the foetal position by this time, trying not to listen to the perverted sounds coming from the next room.

Suddenly he heard an almighty cracking sound, followed by a man yelling in pain.  Then the slamming of a door, and the thundering footsteps of the same man running to the bathroom. Then the following conversation - 

"You fucking drew blood! Fuck!!"

"You said HARDER"

"Fuck you!"

"YOU said HARDER"

*muffled getting dressed noises, more stomping, front door slamming*

Then poor James, who had no doubt now been scarred for life bravely opened his bedroom door and peered into the hallway, to see me slumped against the wall, clutching my stomach, crying with laughter.

"Hey Kinky.." said James.

And the rest, as they say, is history. 

I have so many plans, dreams and goals and intend to put them into action.  Or think about them.  What was this topic again? Cheese?

I'd like to return to a weight in double digits. To do this I would need to maybe not eat as many whole roast suckling boars for breakfast. And not to keep deep frying my Pepsi. Which I might be willing to do.

I'd like to write books. Real, bona fide paper, bound books.  And for lots of people to buy them.  To have a New York Times bestseller. And a big, full bank account.  I mean it's all about the art of course, but BITCH, WHERE MY MONEY???

I want to DJ overseas.  Canada for some reason is a place I feel drawn to.  Might be a Mountie thing.  Or more likely a bacon thing.  Oh, and the music. It's totally about the music. Probably.

I'd like to kill and eat kidnap and put in a cupboard meet Jason Statham.  He's a handsome individual and although he seems to exhibit staunchly heterosexual behaviour at present I fail to see how he could resist falling for a hairy tubby balding DJ with a Dannii Minogue obsession.  Dudes totally dig that shizz.  And Seb Statham has a nice ring to it. 

Finally I'd like to overcome depression and anxiety.  Imagine how annoying I could be then, feeling all happy and together.  And I could probably go outside and collect the underpants that have faded to nothing on the washing line.  Yes. I aim high. 

I love this idea.  Without doubt I would like to switch with english music producer Richard X.  He brought the mash-up (putting the vocals of one song over the top of another song's music - creating an instantly recognisable yet completely different third track) into the mainstream and has since gone on to a successful and credible career as an electro-pop producer.

His album 'Richard X Presents His X-Factor Volume One' was released in 2003 and featured guest vocals from Liberty X, the Sugababes, Kelis, Caron Wheeler (Ex Soul II Soul vocalist), Tiga, Jarvis Cocker and Deborah Evans-Strickland (Singer for the Flying Lizards, best known for their 80's hit 'Money (That's What I Want)'.  There's not a dud track among them and the album as a whole is one of my all time favourites. 

More recently he's been remixing for artists like Goldfrapp, Gwen Stefani, Annie, Ciara, Depeche Mode, New Order and Dragonette, to name just a few and he uses 80's electronica as his main inspiration. 

I'd like to swap lives with him for one day and have access to all of his equipment, contacts and studio time.  Perfection!

I thought I'd continue the thread from my previous post with the picture of my Mum - here's a shot of me at 21.  This was taken by a very talented photographer named Philip Paratore.  You can check out more of his work at his site, Fotochic.  The shirt I'm wearing was made by designer and stylist Philip Boon, who was my partner at the time. You can check out his blog, 'Stylist Says' here.  There were some other shots taken later in colour on the same day but I like the black and white best.  Here's to good lighting and wide collars, people!

I've really been looking forward to this challenge!

1) You Got The Love (Shapeshifters Remix) - The Source feat. Candi Staton. A little known remix from 2006 of the original classic.  Yes, we all love the fabulous cover by Florence and the Machine, but to my mind nothing surpasses the soulfulness of Candi Staton's original vocal. 

2) Royal T ((Riva Starr Mix) - Crookers feat. Róisín Murphy.  Oh how I love the sound of this woman's voice. For the uninitiated, Róisín (pronounced Ro-sheen) was one half of electronic duo Moloko (Sing It Back) and in 2005 moved on to a solo career. Here she performs guest vocals for Crookers, who had a giant club and chart hit with 'Day and Night' in 2009.

3) Tracey In My Room (Lazy Dog Bootleg Mix) - Everything But The Girl.  A laid back house remix of EBTG's hit 'Wrong', remixed by Ben Watt and released in 2001, five years after the original single.  This is a Sunday session favourite and is a mash up with a Soul Vision track.

4) Respectable - Mel & Kim. Just when I thought this playlist was a bit cool. Dang. Produced by notorious UK pop svengalis Stock, Aitken & Waterman (Kylie, Bananarama, Divine, Dead Or Alive) this track was released in 1987 and topped the charts in Australia and the UK.  I had the album 'F.L.M' on cassette could often be seen dancing about the spare room in a very manly fashion to this track.

5) Somewhere - Robbie Williams. A short interlude from his last studio album 'Reality Killed The Video Star'.  Can't say I've ever really listened to it. Which is quite good, because it seems to be a little bit completely shit.

6) The Fame (Glam As You Remix) - Lady GaGa.  Oh how very nice, the GaGa song I like the least. From the (originally) Japan-only release of 'The Remix', an album of ...remixes. *searches for something positive to say* The cover is quite nice. 

7) Smoke Machine - X-press 2. Back to cool again, thanks iPod! From two of my fave 90's house producers - Rocky and Diesel - this track from the album Muzikizum is a thundering tribal monster. Rawrrrrr. X-press 2 are also responsible for my favourite bootleg release of all time, featuring their track 'Muzikizum' mashed up with Missy Elliott's 'Get Ur Freak On'. Double Rawrrrr.

8) It's Not Right, But It's Okay (Thunderpuss Remix) - Whitney Houston.  If you were gay and went clubbing in the 90's SO many dancefloor stormers were remixed by the cheekily-named Thunderpuss. This was the track that really made them the go to team for bass-heavy, hands in the air stormers. This still sounds incredible on a big system and features a fantastic vocal from Ms Houston, just before she fell face down in a barrel of crack.

9) Spellbound - Rae and Christian feat. Veba.  YOU. NEED. THIS. TRACK.  It's soulful, laid back and beautiful.  No really, stop reading this and go listen to it. Perfection.

10) I Don't Know What You Want But I Can't Give It Any More (The Morales Mix) - Pet Shop Boys.  This remix reminds me of cold, rainy afternoons indoors and has what I've heard someone term once as 'a beautiful melancholy'.  The lyrics are heartbreaking and Neil Tennant's unique delivery suits the mood of the track perfectly. A++++++ Would Mope About The House To Again. 

Well, cool-ish and not as horrendous as I'd feared (there are some true horrors lurking on my iPod).  Most of these tracks are available on iTunes in Australia so check them out if you get a chance. Well, some of them anyway.

This is a shot taken way back in 1977.  That's me in front and my Mum, Donna, laughing behind.  I was four and a half and loved slides.  There was also a mostly enclosed dome in the playground that you could sit in and turn a wheel that would make the dome spin faster and faster.  I was addicted to it but also inevitably ended up coating myself in whatever I'd eaten for breakfast that morning.  As much as I loved feeling dizzy it never really agreed with me. I was addicted to that ride and to my Mum's credit, she always let me have a turn on it, even though she knew I'd need hosing off on the front lawn when we got home.  

Update: I think my Mum is truly beautiful, so I'm proudly uploading this amazing pic of her commissioned for her 21st Birthday. My grandfather nearly punched out the photographer because it showed her shoulders, which you can't really see here but it was scandalous at the time. Here she is in full Audrey Hepburn mode. Work it, girl!

Dear Evil Legal Secretary,

Yes, it's me. The guy that did nothing wrong that you recently spoke to at your internet provider. How have you been?  I've been spending a lot of time thinking about you lately. 

You may think that I'm writing this letter as a form of retaliation for the unnecessary verbal abuse I suffered for close to an hour simply by answering your call.

But I would never do that. I know that you can't help being an evil succubus, it's not your fault.  No doubt you were destined to be a beautifully kind, stardust sprinkling, orphan adopting saint but somehow one of your ancestors sacrificed a goat to Satin instead of Satan, (it was an accent thing, rather than a lack of knowledge about the reigning CEO of the underworld) condemning you to a lifetime of doing the devil's handiwork, i.e. being a grade A, top ranking, award winning, world acclaimed fucking mole.

The way you shouted constantly to belittle me was impressive, and you clearly studied for years at Bitch School to be able to twist my words so easily to 'illustrate' your incredibly deluded point.  I at no time was judging you for the fact that you are too mind bogglingly dim to answer a question about whether one or two phone lines are listed on the Telstra bill in front of you.  In fact, I applauded the fact that you emailed a co-worker telling them that you 'weren't a technician' and you thought we 'had people' to deal with such 'trivial matters'.  You were obviously busy filling out your membership application to Mensa and had other things on your mind.  

It was an especially nice touch to demand a refund on work you commissioned and cancelled because you'd been too thick to understand what you were ordering.  The fact that you don't understand the process of 'ordering an internet connection' is perfectly understandable.  After all, you not only have to tell us a phone number, you then have to exhaust all your mental capacity by telling us you'd like the internet on that number.  All I can do is apologise, pat you on your beasty, horned little head and say 'There, there, you brain dead, evil, lying, condescending, life sucking waste of space'.

Above all I'd like to say that the panic attack I suffered immediately after your increasingly psychopathic call coupled with your obvious delight at bringing a grown man close to tears was totally deserved and at no time do I blame you for causing it.  The subsequent humiliation wasn't at all damaging to me and I know that the fact that you have to suffer that awful 'VOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH' sound (you know - like blowing across the neck of a bottle) coming from your vagina every time you stand in a light breeze is no doubt incredibly mentally scarring.

Lastly, I would like to wish you well.  As in, I hope you end up at the bottom of one, you insufferable bitch.

Sincerely,

Seb.

I had just gotten ADSL connected at my house and my friend RJ sent me a link to a blog owned by Keith Caulfield, an associate director of charts at Billboard Magazine in the states.  He posted reviews of albums as well as short, humorous updates about his life and I instantly fell in love with the idea, signing up for a Livejournal account that day. (I'd link to Keith's site but he's since taken it down).

I then purchased a Blogspot (at the time you had to pay for it as the 'deluxe' version of Blogger), then switched to Blogger in 2003 when Google bought it and the paid features became free. I'm not the most dedicated writer but I've enjoyed blogging and currently have three on the go. www.sebsharp.com is my music/DJ blog, www.projectseb.com is about my depression and of course www.bunny-fu.com which you're reading now. Check them out if you haven't already, and thanks for reading this blog.

Here's a selection of the incredible people I've been lucky enough to meet through my work as a club DJ.  A lot of people assume you wouldn't forge close or worthwhile relationships working in Nightclubs but the opposite proved to be the case for me. 

This is one of my favourite shots. Taken at Connections Nightclub before the opening of a 'Studio 54' party.  That's me on the left, on the right my friend Mel.  She worked as a dancer and performer and is - as you can see here - absolutely stunning.  She graciously agreed to be pimped by me for this picture. Bitch still owes me 25% too. Don't MAKE me hit you with my RING HAND!

Another Connections pic, this time with my gorgeous friend Nicole.  She's always been so supportive of me and still comes to see me when I venture out of my cave to spin somewhere.  She's also been there for me more times than I can count and along with her partner Sean and our friend Brian is responsible for helping me get through some of the most difficult times of my life.  She also makes the most phenomenal Rocky Road I've ever had.  (Behind the scenes gossip - I was so drunk this night that just after this pic was taken I fell asleep upstairs in the DJ booth.  They left me there, locked up the club and went home, the lovely peeps. Oh and in case you're wondering, the alarm there is LOUD).

This is a pic from waaaay back in the mid 90's at one of my earliest gigs.  The beautiful redhead on the left is Kirsten, who always came to hear me play even though she hated clubs and was more into Marilyn Manson than the bouncy house music I played.  Note my pathetic attempt at a goatee coupled with home-bleached hair.  Pretty sure I thought I was in Ace of Base at the time.  Bless Kirsten for never mentioning my fashion faux pas. She now lives in Melbourne and no doubt still twitches should 'The Sign' come on the radio.

Another pic from Connections, this time taken during rehearsals for a show.  Because the DJ box was upstairs, for tech runs one of us would have to sit upstairs for hours on end pressing 'Play' on the show cd.  We didn't even have Twitter back in those days to amuse ourselves so it was torture.  Pictured to the right of me is Suell (short for SueEllen) who I originally met when she was dancing at a club I used to play at called 'Pink'.  She was dressed as a mini Kylie Minogue and was such an incredible dancer that I left the DJ box mid song to go and say hello.  Unfortunately at that time someone also decided to fall on the front of the console, knocking the needle skidding across the record and leaving 400 people standing there in silence while I yelled "YOU LOOK (record stops)...FUCKING HOT! Oh. Excuse me."  She spent the rest of the night taking the piss out of me and we became firm friends.  She has such an amazing heart and I don't know anyone that doesn't adore her.

Yet another Connections shot - up in the DJ box circa 2005.  To my left is 'Sheila Mann', drag diva extraordinaire.  I'm still close with her alter ego James to this day.  He has a sense of humour exactly like mine so almost every conversation is peppered with random observations and downright filth.  He's a trained dancer so his drag performances were always amazing and his style was incredible.  Combined with the amazing sets and dancers at the club it was often like watching a music video, only live. James was also around when I started to develop really bad anxiety and would make sure I kept my sense of humour about the situation while never making light of what I was going through.  

A more recent pic now, taken at the Court Hotel in 2009.  This shot always makes me laugh.  On the left is Chad, who I met through a mutual friend and ended up becoming close with over the summer of 09/10.  He always has so much energy and would come and hang out in the DJ box during my longer sets (4 hours plus) and we'd play with the crowd, set the strobe to 'Warning : Epilepsy' and make up ridiculous interpretive dance moves to the lyrics of songs.  'When Love Takes Over' was a particular favourite.  Chad is also my go-to date when I need a plus one for anything. 

Back to Connections in 2004 now.  Next to me is Gavin, who was Assistant Manager at the time, and is now the Manger.  He's hilarious, incredibly supportive and kept me sane throughout my 10 years at the club.  We used to run a Wednesday night together that each week changed theme to represent one of the Seven Deadly Sins. My favourite memory of those nights was the two of us on our hands and knees with buckets of warm soapy water and a scraper, trying to remove fake money we'd attached to the dance floor with spray glue earlier in the day.  By this time we'd both been working since 1pm, it was close to 5am and we were completely exhausted.  We were singing pop songs in a thick Irish accent, weakly scraping at those damn fake banknotes and laughing deliriously. We were so scared of the cleaners we stayed back until every last trace was removed.  We learned a valuable lesson and were a little less enthusiastic with decorating the room in subsequent weeks. And just so I can name drop, on the right isPrincess Julia, a DJ from London who was part of the 80's 'New Romantic' movement and was in the original video of 'Fade To Grey' by Visage. She played at a party called 'Bitch' with Mark Moore of S'Express.  My claim to fame is that they wanted to see my house, so we spent an afternoon there going through my record collection and I made them sandwiches. </bragging>.

I've already introduced you to my superstar DJ cousin Stuart (left) in my last 'pictures of your friends' post (Day Three - here) but I couldn't resist posting this shot of the two of us here - we were DJing together at a men-only dance party (I think it was called Manifold or something equally witty) and for some unknown reason I decided to dress as a policeman.  It was a pretty realistic uniform and I scared some of the patrons later in the night when I went to the bar to get us some drinks.  They practically ran.  I didn't take it personally though.  I mean, I cried but that was pretty normal!